The Things We Don’t Say: The Small Things Make a Big Difference

Have you ever passed someone on the street and thought, “Wow, that’s a great outfit,” or “They have such a warm smile,” — and then just kept walking? Or maybe you’ve been in a conversation, felt a strong appreciation for someone’s insight or kindness, and didn’t say it out loud.

We think these nice things all the time — and yet, we rarely share them.

Why?

1. Fear of Being Misunderstood

One of the biggest reasons we hold back is fear — fear of coming across as awkward, intrusive, or even creepy. We live in a world where boundaries are important, and rightly so. But sometimes, in trying to respect others' space, we silence ourselves too much. A simple compliment like “You have such kind energy,” gets trapped in our throat because we worry the other person might take it the wrong way.

2. Cultural Norms and Inhibition

In many cultures, there's an unspoken rule to keep to yourself in public — don’t make a scene, don’t disturb anyone, don’t be “too much.” We learn early on to edit ourselves, especially around strangers. Saying something nice, out loud and unprovoked, can feel like breaking a social contract — even though it’s a harmless (and potentially heartwarming) breach.

3. We Assume They Already Know

Sometimes, we don’t say the nice thing because we assume the person has heard it before. “She must know she’s good at this.” “He probably gets told that all the time.” But the truth is, even the most outwardly confident people still appreciate — and often need — to hear kind words. A compliment can be a moment of connection in someone’s otherwise hard or lonely day.

4. We Don't Want to Make It Weird

We think: Will this seem forced? Will they think I want something? Will it turn the interaction into something awkward? These small internal debates act like stop signs, halting our kindness before it can cross the intersection. We don’t want to make someone uncomfortable — and paradoxically, that fear makes us miss the chance to make them feel good.

5. We Forget That Kindness is Free

In the rush of our daily routines, kindness often becomes a background thought instead of a foreground action. We’re tired, distracted, on autopilot. And even though we’re thinking something kind, we don’t take the extra second to say it out loud — even though it costs nothing and can mean everything.

What Happens When We Do Speak Up?

When we do share the nice thoughts in our heads — give the compliment, say the kind thing — magic often happens. Faces light up. Guards drop. There’s a real, human moment. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Even just saying, “You handled that really well,” or “That color looks amazing on you,” can ripple far beyond what we can see.

The compliment might be remembered all day. Or longer.

A Small Challenge

Try it. Say one nice thing to someone you don’t know today. Or to someone you know, but don’t usually say it to. See what happens.

Let’s make it a habit to bring those good thoughts to the surface — because, let’s face it, the world could use a lot more kindness.